I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
