For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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