you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
