I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
