after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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