We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
