it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
