i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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