your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
