she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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