Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
