sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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