a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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