I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize