Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
