I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
