so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
