I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
