i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
