So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
