So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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