I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
