And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
