Are we in a gay sports bar?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize