And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im part way to drunk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
