shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I deserve this hangover.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
