The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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