But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
