Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
