So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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