Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
