You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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