Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
