I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
