No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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