Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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