k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Randomize
