12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
