He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
