its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
