can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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