Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
