I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
