talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
