You can't special order awesome
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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