Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
