i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
