the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
this hospital has no fireball
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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