Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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