My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
