We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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