I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
