Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
