PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
