hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
