The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
