I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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