Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
