I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
