my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
