i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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